27 May, 2010

The Blah. It is a sandwich.

I am not sure where they came from, but a host of tiny microbes have entered into my body and assassinated my voice. Thanks little cooties. I wasn't using that thing to talk to people about jobs or anything. 

Because I am feeling crap, and I am unable to articulate my needs to others without sounding a bit like Nell, I stayed in for lunch today. I decided to make my signature sandwich. "You have a signature sandwich?" Of course I do. Don't you? A sandwich that you would make all the time because you never see it out anywhere? Okay, maybe it is just me, but I thought I would share. (I even took pictures {with my iPhone, I was in a rush})

My signature sandwich is called The BLAH.  Let me break that down for you. Bacon, Lettuce, Avocado and Humous. BLAH.  I am pretty sure I invented this one as I have never heard anyone else talk about it, and I don't think I have seen it out anywhere. You can correct me if I am wrong, but if you say you had the same thing at a diner in Hoboken that I have never heard of or been too, how the hell did I copy it? They copied me. Trust me. 

If you care to make one, this is the formula: 
  • Two slices white or brown bread (I go for the Brown. I like to think it is better for me) 
  • 6 rashers of crispy streaky bacon (sorry Brits. it has to be streaky and thiner is better. We are adding flavor, not stopping hearts. If I was trying to kill you, I would come up with something from here.)
  • 3 or 4 slices of avocado.
  • A bunch of lettuce (Little gem, butter, iceberg if you like. something with a crunch. Use what you like.) 
  • Humous ( I like the red pepper Humous, but if you are down with plain, go that route.) 
The build:
Toast that bread. Has to be done. If you try this on regular bread, it is going to gum up into a ball in the roof of your mouth and you will look silly trying to scrape it off with your tongue. Just toast the damn bread. 

Spread a glob of Humous on the toasty bread and start to layer the lettuce leaves and bacon in alternating patterns. You don't have to do this part. I do, because I am a nutter that likes order and things to be tidy. If you want to be a slob, then so be it. 

 As you can see, I grew up when the *McDLT was around and like to keep things separate until the last minute. Even when the hot side isn't hot.  

Normally, I am a big advocate of salt and pepper on a sandwich, but in this case, just the pepper. This one is salty enough, but the  pepper is key, if you are a fan. If you are scared of it, then don't use it. 

Flip side A onto side B. Witness the need for the alternating layers? You want a hit of bacon goodness in every bite, with the crunch of the lettuce being the body of the sandwich. Think of this as a good way to get your greens in. If you look close you might see that I was low on Humous and had to cheat a little with some mayo on my lettuce. It is my sandwich, you don't know that this isn't the normal way I do things. Shush. I don't come over to your work and throw rocks at you while you are mowing lawns, do I? 

Slice your lovely creation and enjoy. I like to slice corner to corner because I am fussy and my mother never sliced sandwiches that way. I think it is fancier.  Welcome to my world. 

There it is. The BLAH. I have registered the name, so if you try to steal it, I will send nasty letter to you and then pout. I think that is all that happens now days. Unless you are a huge corporation and have copy written things like, the I before E rule and the use of silent B's at the end of words.  

With any luck, I will have a voice after the holiday weekend. 

Wish me luck. 

*Yep, that is Jason Alexander in that McD's commercial. Remember when white sport coats with the sleeves pushed up was cool? I swear I saw some teenie out of Brompton Road  like that the other day. We had the 80's once. We can say it was Cocaine then. Now? You just look sad. 

Blogger's note: Speaking of horrible fashion. I saw a guy the other day wearing gold aviators walking down the street. One pair wasn't enough for him, he had on a T shirt printed with a big pair of them too. I am guessing, but I bet his pants were printed with tiny aviators. Some people are so cool, one pair of Douche-Bag Glasses is not enough.  


  1. The sandwich sounds awesome. Can I place an order for a facon version please?

    Also, i think the excuse for the teenies in the bad jackets now is just low IQ, caused by their cokehead 80's parents

  2. Love the McDLT video. Hilarious.

    Gonna have to try this one, especially since avocados here are cheap and everywhere.

    Definitely http://scanwiches.com worthy!

  3. Jeanster: Maybe they are just wearing their parent's clothes? That would explain the MC Hammer Pants I saw the other day.

    Ryan: Scanwich worthy? High praise indeed. "Hot, beefy McD; Cool, Crisp LT"... genius.