What am I talking about? Aviators. Not the nice men and women that drive our sky-buses around. I am talking about the sunglasses. The ultra mirrored, shiny, metal-framed wonders that are perched on the faces of thousands of people out there. Here is where I come in. I am not sure the people that are out on the streets today know the rules about Aviators. "There are rules", you say? Why yes. Yes, there are. I am so glad you asked. Before I get into the rules of wearing Aviator-style glasses, please allow me a moment to give you my Top Five people that wear this style of glasses. This list is in order of magnitude based on the likelihood of people wearing these things on their face.
Number 4. Paedophiles. This really isn't funny. But if you are trying to hide what you look like from unsuspecting
Number 3. Ironic Hipsters or Scenesters. You know who I am talking about. But to be fair, I think even the Hipsters have moved on. Thick Plastic Frames seem to be more their thing nowadays. They are only wearing the glasses because their parents don't understand them, or to hide the tears. Why are they crying? Because their skinny, black jeans are too tight. Also, they are only wearing the glasses "Ironically". This means they know the glasses look stupid, but they wear them anyway. Hipsters tread a fine line with the Number 1. They can easily tip over the edge.
So that leads us to the number one. The people most likely to be seen wearing Aviators. Guesses? Thoughts? Should I just tell you? Okay. Keeping with format.
I know I might be going against the whole Free Will thing. People can wear/act/do whatever they like. but they should also know that there are consequences. A life of Baggery can easily get you on a TV program like Tool Academy. Nobody like the D-bag. That is why the word is an insult.
Sorry. I got a little carried away with the listing and forgot to list the rules. They are simple. Wearing Aviators will make you look like one of the above characters. Girls can fall into these categories just as easy as guys.
So here are the rules: Ah, screw the rules. Putting Aviators on will make you look like an arse. There are LOADS of other styles to choose from. Do yourself (and us all) a favor and pick one of them. Or don't, I am happy to make fun of you as you prance about Brompton Road in your over-sized Chrome glasses.